Going Insane
by pot-o-crazy
Summary: A short Erica centric fic I wrote a while ago. Erica muses over her decision to leave Callie. One-shot.


**Title:** Going insane

**Author: **

**Pairing: **Callie/Erica slightly more Erica centric

**Summary: **Erica muses over her decision to leave Callie. One-shot

**Rating: **Pg-13

**Word count: **706

**Spoilers: **Set after 5x07

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything. I so wish I did, but sadly it's just not gonna happen.

**Notes:** I just found this, I must have done it a long time ago now. I'm pretty sure I wrote this very shortly after Erica left. Although I didn't like what they did with Callica I liked how i-don't-give-a-shit kinda attitude Erica had. I thought she was funny, but I know a lot of people weren't such a big fan. I love Arizona though, don't get me wrong. I just quite liked Erica as well. Anyway it's not great or very long but enjoy.

Erica sniffed loudly as she tossed her tissue into the increasingly large pile overflowing her bathroom bin. It missed. She sighed deeply but made no move to pick it. She glanced up at the mirror infront of her, and sniffed again. The make up she had just retouched was once again running in lines down her face. She reached up with a shaky hand to wipe the mascara lines heading down her cheeks. Before beginning the tedious repetitive job of redoing her make up.

When she finished she straightened her shirt and ran both her hands through her messy loose curls, making them frame her face. _You left her, now live with it. Erica Hahn does not cry. Pull yourself together. _She glared at the mirror image, frowning ever so slightly. _And now your going crazy, talking to yourself. Great, just bloody fantastic._

Erica pulled herself together and walked through the bedroom, which had boxes lining each side, preventing much movement in the room. She carefully averted her gaze from the picture frame lying upside down. She knew that seeing Callie and her own smiling face looking at her would send her back into floods of tears. Callie. Her best friend. Her girlfriend. A shock in itself. Erica had been careful to keep all of her past relationships as casual as possible. But Callie.

She shook her head, blonde curls bouncing slightly as she tried to rid the memories she could feel attempting to break through her walls. As she made her way to the kitchen, through her lounge, which had even more boxes and was very sparsely decorated, she busied herself getting some orange juice while her mind battled with her thoughts. _Callie. _Erica had never pictured herself with a woman. She hadn't pictured much more in life than her work if she was honest. Though she just assumed she would eventually get married, and when she met the right guy, it would be just that. Right.

The blonde placed her half filled glass on the counter, and turned around resting her back and hands on it. _Sloan. _That name never did much for her. Erica had watched the women flock after him like some sort of bad infection that just kept coming back. Now though, now his same actually made her feel physically sick. She hadn't been enough for Callie, and their relation had driven Callie repetitively into the arms of said Mark Sloan. That's what had hurt the most. The way Callie had flittered between the two of them, like it was no different. It was to Erica.

The blonde had never been in love. Not until Callie. Though Erica convinced herself over and over that it wasn't true, she knew it was. She grinned whenever she catch sight of the girl, even just in passing. Her heart would race each and every time those deep brown eyes glanced in her direction. Her breathe caught in her through whenever that melodic voice called her name. _Not anymore though._ She laughed bitterly.

_No more. _Erica had run away, something she had never thought she would do. When she heard those words come from Callie's mouth though. The way Callie had sided against her. It was the final straw. She couldn't bare to be second best anymore. Not to Callie. Not to Mark. And certainly not to Izzie Stevens. She couldn't believe the nerve of her, stealing that heart. Yet her own heart couldn't bring herself to tell on the hospital. Seattle Grace would just have to go on, without her. If she though about it enough, she knew she would see that the reason she didn't tell anyone else about the stolen heart was because Callie asked her not to. It was stupid feeling loyal to someone who almost daily broke her heart, without even trying.

Erica steadied herself against the counter, she hadn't noticed until now, but she had stopped shaking. She could live without Callie. She could never get back that part of her that had fallen in love with Callie, and had it stolen away. But she could move on. Eventually. Erica laughed, this time her voice held no bitterness.

"I really am going insane" She grinned into the empty apartment.


End file.
